They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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