I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
