At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
