i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
