she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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