how can u be prego again
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
