opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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