Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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