Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
