we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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