i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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