hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Randomize
