Moan for me like Helen Keller
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
