yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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