Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
