drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
