It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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