you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
