Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
