We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
