What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
