I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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