when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
