After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
