Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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