Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I know her cup size but not her name....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
