so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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