he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just blew my weed a kiss
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
