idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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