Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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