glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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