i jhust puked up my retainher.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
