dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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