Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
