Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
