i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I think i got beer on your cat.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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