dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just forgot I was standing up.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
