new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
