Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
