Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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