Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So many bounce houses so little time
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
