So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
