My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
