Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
