God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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