new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Pants are for mortals
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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