I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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