Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
