something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
