I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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